This has not been a good week for blogging.
Much of that has to do with the constant struggle between moments of sickness and coherency, which I've explained in posts below, along with Twitter updates. One thing that I'm glad about, even when I let my blog slip, is that I didn't forgo writing entirely during the past week; indeed, I still managed to make progress on the NaNoWriMo project, although such process came painfully, and with much struggle. But! That's not what I'd like to talk about tonight.
I must admit, with each day bringing us closer to the end of November, which also marks the end of mandatory composition blogging and NaNoWriMo, I find myself growing more anxious. Will I still manage to keep up the pace I've set for myself as a writer during this month? I haven't missed a day yet; can I hope to maintain this schedule of "writing every day?" What will I do if I miss a day?
It probably sounds strange, to fret so much about something so minor. Surely, one missed day will not eradicate all that I've accomplished over the past month, but I cannot help but worry that one missed day will eventually lead to the return of old, bad habits: "Oh, I don't feel like writing today." I hated being like that... what happens if I slide back into that mentality?
Of course, there is a very good chance that I won't, now that I have known the feeling of writing daily and experienced the pleasure of constant output. But I know that laziness is something I will need to battle constantly, that I will need to remember always that this is work and that if I ever want to really succeed at any of this, I need to show up to the job every day. I can't sit around and wait for inspiration.
I've mentioned that a couple of times, actually, my feelings towards inspiration. Don't get me wrong, I don't think that inspiration is a bad thing at all; in fact, I think it's a very, very good thing and I'm always grateful for those moments where it all seems to come together, because that is writing at its most pure, most primal and most pleasurable.
But inspiration is a siren's song, and one can too easily be lulled into waiting around for it to strike like a bolt of lightning, which means that the majority of one's time will be spent waiting and not spent writing. A better way, a more honest and productive way is to do it like I have been: showing up every day, writing as much as I can manage, without waiting for the inspiration to strike.
The advantage, of course, to this second method, is that when the inspiration does happen, it usually seems to happen when I'm already writing and so doesn't get wasted. That used to happen to me a lot, actually; I'd have this great idea in the shower or driving home, and it would evaporate in the brief time it would take me to make it to my computer or even to a notebook and pen.
Regardless of anxieties, however, time will march on and the end of these two mandatory projects is in sight. I know that I've worked hard and proven to myself that I can keep going even when I don't really want to, even when there are other things that would be easier and more fun to spend my time on.
I remain hopeful for the future, that the progress I have made towards the whole task of "being a writer" will not unravel in the coming days. But I do not imagine for a moment that it will be easy, that it will ever get easier. I know that it won't.
Interestingly, I don't think that it should, either.
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
Posts
3 comments:
i think you spend too much time worrying that you will fall back into old habits. You have grown way beyond that. I think you should let the "lazy matt" stay in the past, and focus on the matt who does write each day...in other words, the "Writer Matt"
You now know that you can write on demand, and that you don't need "inspiration" to put something on paper. I think you might have known this about yourself before, but this experience makes it all the more real. You can't hide from it anymore, you are a writer.
You are worried about sliding backwards, but this is my response to such fears, "You can't slide backwards if you are too busy moving forward." Line up projects for yourself. Don't give yourself a break, if you think that will kill your momentum. You might have to make your own opportunities, though, and here are two ideas.
Call up a publisher, tell them that you'll have a book for them to consider in a month. Who cares that said book doesn't exist yet? Write it.
Look up some writing contests that interest you, submitting to all of them. In fact, try a few that you normally wouldn't consider, just to test yourself.
I think you discovered that a steady schedule and a deadline help you focus and write. Don't let this epiphany go to waste.
Thanks for the comments; good advice all around, I think.
Post a Comment