It's Difficult to Write and Wear Pants at the Same Time

It's really difficult to write in a place or while I'm in a mood that one could describe as "uneasy."

These past few days, I've been writing from home, on my own computer, which is set in my own little lair of creative chaos and other junk. I've talked about the writing space before, which you can find in the archives if you want to look (I'm not motivated to create a link on my own, sorry.) But I don't want to talk about the writing space today, rather, I want to talk more about how writing is affected in an interesting way by my mood.

On the surface, it seems pretty obvious; if I'm upset, I write something that's dark or angry or bitterly sarcastic... although, to be honest, I seem to do the last one even when I'm in a good mood, so who knows. It gets a little more complicated when you consider the question one of "am I comfortable?"

I don't mean like my chair is comfortable or that it's too hot or too cold, or that I have a drink with me (the drink, I've found, is very, very important.) Rather, I mean it as a question of whether or not I'm feeling comfortable in my surroundings, whether or not I'm in a place and state of mind where I can afford to be unguarded for a bit, where I can be a little more honest and raw as I work.

It's tough to do in places that aren't home. Right now, for example, I'm typing this from a terminal at my job, before I clock in. And while this is my place of work, a place where I've been for almost two years, I can't entirely relax here, because this is a professional environment. I have a certain persona, a certain level of responsibility and professionalism that I need to maintain, and it's very hard to separate myself from that to create the sort of honesty that I prefer to place within my writing.

The reason for this experience, I think, and maybe this only happens to me, but it feels like I'm not really able to separate myself from my thoughts and my surroundings, even though those things may not have any real connection to each other. It's like, because I'm trying to maintain my guise of being a good employee, I'm not able to really give free rein to the part of my mind that's all weird, and twisted, and thoroughly disorganized, because that part of my mind would probably get me fired if I allowed it to manifest here.

So instead I write from the more responsible persona, which I think you can see here.

It could also be that I don't like to write while I'm wearing pants and I'm always forced to wear pants at work.

No, I'm not joking about that. At the very least, I always prefer to take my shoes off before I write, which I don't think would be appreciated here either.

So maybe that's it. Disregard everything that I said above. The reason I can't write as freely as I would like is not because I have to maintain a facade of being a normal person, but because I know I can't sit here at my desk without pants or shoes.

Personal revelations are awesome.