Tales of Customer Service

I always like the pamphlets that you're given by the "higher-ups" every so often, especially when you work in a job that involves dealing with the public. Do you know the ones that I'm talking about? They're typically titled something like "The Customer and You," or "Learning to love your Costumer," or something that, in principle, would be a good idea.

In principle, because the reality is that, while the vast majority of people are basically good, decent individuals, there's always that one guy.

I swear to God, I've worked in eight different locations for three different, entirely unrelated jobs, and in every location, there's always the one guy. It's never actually the same guy, and I've never seen more than one per location. It's uncanny; that one guy is so widespread you'd think they'd encounter each other more often. Maybe they take turns and respect each other's turf? I don't know.

What I do know is that there is always the one customer who comes in acting like he owns the place. He doesn't own the place, of course, because if he did, he'd be my boss. If it's in a retail location, he will rarely actually make a purchase. He'll just... hang around. Often by your service counter or information desk. And he'll talk. And talk. And talk.

Now, there are some chatty customers who, whether by personal charisma or by virtue of having something interesting to say, are a pleasure to interact with. You have a good rapport with these "regulars" and you're genuinely happy to see them come in, either because they always make a purchase or they're just generally nice to be around.

But that one guy has no redeeming social qualities. He's loud, he's obnoxious, and more damning of all, he is very frequently rude. He'll insult you to your face. He'll try to tease you to your co-workers while you're standing there. And of course, he'll do this with other co-workers to you, so it's not like you're the only one who has the displeasure of dealing with him.

It's a true mystery why he doesn't seem to grasp one essential fact: if you are obnoxious, if you are insulting, if you are rude, then people around you probably hate you. These people will listen to you only because we're being paid to do so, and the pleasure of a paycheck is (usually) more satisfying than punching you in the teeth (or so I remind myself.)

The only explanation, the only reason I can fathom that explains the behavior of that one guy is that he is afflicted by some sort of mild dementia or hallucination or something; in his mind, everything that he says is clever and witty and hysterical. Or maybe he does know just how irritating he is, but is so lonely that he'd rather hang around people he knows disdain his presence, because being disliked is preferable to being ignored.

Either thought is actually pretty depressing, now that I think about it.